Jill Rants and Raves

Been to Turlock

Is there anything I could say about online dating that more original minds haven't already said? Probably not. And having opened this can of worms, let me say - I'm the sort of person who turns up at the fishing hole with a bamboo stick with a hook and a worm wriggling on the end of it, casts wildly into the pond and then gets bored after 10 minutes, huffs and puffs and walks home. Alone.

Online dating is just not for me. I have tried, and my experiences included meeting an amazing woman who wanted to know what it feels like to be with a woman. Her husband works in law enforcement. Then there was the lecturing airhead who wrote with a detailed breakdown of why my profile would never cut it in the high stakes world of the lesbian dating scene. This woman has too much time on her hands. I got added to various people's hotlists, most of whom had ignored my heartfelt pleas for women who are unlike me. And someone wrote to me from Turlock. I am sorry, but I have been to Turlock.

But what gets me is this - I did the online thing a year ago, and for reasons which will remain private (What??? Jill doesn't reveal all? What is wrong???), I just took another peek at the world out there in etherland.  OK, so maybe some people just don't check their credit card bills every month, but I recognise more women online - from last year (including I should say, the lass who told me I would never get a date with my Profile) - than I recognise at my local Whole Foods. They are still there. And they haven't aged, that's the incredible thing.  But who can blame them. Most women over 50 put their age as 49. You think you get hit on if you are over 50 and admit it?

So, it goes without saying that almost every woman is 'happy', 'funny', 'an open book' , 'emotionally available', 'honest', 'done some work on myself' & 'ready', and have read the most amazing range of books. They are all just bloody incredible, they don't lie, don't cheat, don't lose their temper, are solvent, mature, and have reached a point in their lives where they don't want to deal with all the bullshit anymore. Amazing. 

Hardly anyone admits to wanting to steam up the windows of their Honda Accord on a first date, or cut to the bedroom scene just after you've said hello. Fantasies of dates tend to involve candles and the beach - and dirty talk seems to be at the obscurest level. Unless of course you're the kind of butch that wink wink say no more lets you know they are handy with a screwdriver. Geez....go back to your lesbian porn movie girl.

I have known plenty of people who have had success dating online. A good friend of mine, an ex actually, is happily living with a great guy, 5 months pregnant and on the road to her real life fantasy with the man she met online. So it does work, I guess.

Here's the important parts of my 'Profile' for those of you with a prurient interest:
Word that describes me best: Easygoing - yeah, right!
Education: I think it's a good thing
Religion: Just don't be a mormon coming to my door
Politics: Don't Vote  - You just encourage them
Income: I'd like one
Do I smoke: Smoking is for LOSERS
Pets: Prefer not to incriminate myself
Sports: Abslutely no hunting, fishing, golf or football. No Super Bowl parties.
What Am I looking For: A woman who looks nothing like me. Does anyone understand butch/femme?

Meanwhile, I think I'll just turn my Profile on and off like blinking Christmas lights. Catch me if you can.
And for those animal rights nuts out there - I don't fish, OK?

In the Pit

Just an addendum to the Pitbull thing - a few people have rightly asked the question - what does spaying and neutering of a breed (or mix of breeds) of dog over-represented in animal shelters have to do with them being a dog bred for fighting?  I never proposed spaying and neutering these dogs because they were bred for fighting. I proposed it because of the sheer numbers dying in shelters.

There is a reason, dear reader, why this maligned dog has been chosen to represent modern machismo, and is being bred, carelessly, in huge numbers. It's because of what it was originally bred to do - fight other dogs. And everyone involved in the history and the breeding of the American Pitbull knows and accepts this. There is some rapid cleanser being applied to the breed. On one site, I read that the Am Pitbull is being re-worked to be more like it's cousin the American Staffordshire Terrier, which, while it can be dog aggressive, is not bred for that trait. There's also some quick acting whitewash being applied to the history of the original breeders here in the US to reduce the impact on the breed clubs they founded.
The irony of this breed is that they do have an enormous tolerance for children and can be exceptionally docile. And the outrage shown by the breeding community towards Breed Specific Legislation ignores the fact that it was their own forebears, the very originators of this breed that have brought the dog into disrepute. Blaming it on a new kind of owner just belies the history.

But when people ask me what the connection is - it's just that. They are being bred because machismo - whether in the backwoods of the South or the barrios of the West, the lofts of Manhattan or the Painted Ladies of San Francisco - is alive and well. Until the Am Pitbull is just another family pet and the history has receded far into the history books, the street cachet of owning this animal which is described on dogbreedinfo.com as a dog " of power, passion and undying willingness." will continue.

nasty little pitfight

The last week has been interesting mostly because I fell into the eye of the storm around Breed Specific Legislation and found myself in the crosshairs of an extremely powerful, determined and smart special interest group. And all of you out there who think that my rantings about dog issues don't concern you - read on - you might be surprised. Let's be clear - I am not in favour of banning breeds of dog. But dogs loosely called Pitbulls and Pit mixes are being killed in droves every day in animal shelters across this fruited plain - the USA.

Those who have attacked me have claimed that is a myth. They are smart, no question about that. Because, as they say, few if any, registered purebred Pitbulls are actually being killed - the ones we're talking about are the hundreds of thousands of mongrels (I prefer the word 'mutt' but lets stick with their language). So, they can sit back in their easy chairs not worrying, because after all - we're not killing Pitbulls, just those pretend ones.

'Education' to teach dog owners the benefits of spay & neuter is all well and good, and low cost and free 'fix' programs are better - but - those are not keeping pace with production, to put it in pure numbers. Incentives, including legislating how and where dogs may be bred isn't an attack on someone's civil liberties which is what my detractors are accusing me of. It's an act of humanity towards man's best friend.

In a flurry of e mail exchanges which became more rabid by the day, I was told in no uncertain terms by members of the American Staffordshire Terrier and Pitbull community that they would fight me all the way 'to the Supreme Court' and in one e mail my status as an immigrant was raised. Erm, if I'm not mistaken this little dog called a Staffordshire and the game called dogfighting was introduced by immigrants, no? Probably from the same part of the world I come from. Or maybe it was Native Americans who bred Pitbulls for dog fighting. I didn't think so.

But read on - because one of the ironies in the debate about Pitbulls is that these days the media coverage has tended to focus on 'thugs' who own pitbulls (for 'thug' read ethnic minority), but historically a bunch of white folk were the first breeders of the dogs used in fighting, and some of those men are eulogised on the website of the American Dog Breeders Association (one of the the primary Purebreed Registries of Pitbulls). Check out sites about Don Mayfield and Bert Sorrells, read about a major Pitbull breeder Norman Hooten, who, while a Sherriff in Kinney Texas, was one of 23 men arrested at a dogfight in Bastrop. 

One of the favorite tactics of those who despise the animal rights movement is to circulate quotes from animal rights radicals like Peter Singer - these tend to be panic inducing quotes that hint at a dark future where no-one will be able to own a pet of any kind. If anyone tells me I can't own a pet, watch out, I'll get my squirt bottle out right now.

But let me return the favour - I've read the graphic and glorifying descriptions of dogfights, and the ability of these dogs to rip into one another, I've looked at the photos of these upstanding guys with their dogs - with ears cropped so close to their heads they aren't even recognisable as ears. Today, when one of those mutilated dogs comes into a shelter we all gasp in horror. There are videos of dog fighting on websites that are pretty disturbing and I've read the descriptions of a man who used to send his wife out of the room while he 'got real friendly' with his fighting dog and fondled the dog's testicles - apparently to stop the dog jumping on him while driving.

You know what? I didn't care about all this stuff that much. I wanted to see fewer Pitbulls and Pit mixes born so that fewer of them would die in shelters. It was that simple. But when you venture into the land of the attack breeder, you feel the teeth in your neck. I am not an animal rights activist. I'm one of those ho hum animal welfare advocates. Wanna see Police Departments out of Animal Shelters, wanna make sure there are no heart injection euthanasias done, wanna create foster programs for kittens, and don't want to watch as breeds are banned across America as a knee jerk reaction to fatal or serious maulings. I have a friend who has been harrassed badly by her landlord for owning a gorgeous Pit/American Bulldog mix. It shocks and outrages my sense of personal freedom. And finding myself on the receiving end of the hostility outrages my sense of personal safety also.

Spaying and neutering animals - even with the weight of legislation behind it - is not an attack on your personal reproductive systems people. The same woman who threatened me with the Supreme Court spoke up at a Humane Commission meeting and made the demand that the Police - the Police, not just Animal Control Officers, go to parks and give citations to those people who have their dogs off leash. Trying to give your dog a bit of running around time at the end of your busy work day isn't  something that should be criminalised. Yet she said, with some fervour that Berkeley PD should be doing just that. But fix a dog to prevent a litter being born in a backyard and then dumped at 6 weeks when they start pooping too much? Oh no, can't do that.

When I mentioned in one of the e mail exchanges that I owned a Papillon MIX, back came, from two people simultaneously an official breed description of the Papillon saying how they might be a bit dog aggressive if not socialised early and that their high strung nature and possible timidity should caution you against leaving them alone with kids. First off, if you don' t know what a Papillon looks like, think 15 pound fur covered Butterfly, and do a quick visual comparison between the jaws of a Pitbull and a butterfly and secondly....perhaps this is the reason some purebred dogs have a wee image problem in the public consciousness....

Let's not fight. I'm not in the mood. I wasn't looking for a fight, and I'm not gonna have one. I've removed the item about mandatory spay and neuter for Pitbulls from the Commission agenda and I'm going to retire to the country and breed earthworms.

Upgrades

Now I admit, I only heard the end of this sentence, so this may have had a profound beginning - but as I was leaving my fave coffee place yesterday, two 30'ish women are walking towards me and I hear..."so that I can move into the future without the baggage". Whoa!
When did 'baggage' become a dirty word? When did it become the catchword for all that is wrong with us and with our lives? Perhaps I should copyright the word. Or better yet - trademark the name 'Baggage' for a new line of handbags and sue every therapist who has their clients recite a litany of baggage they need to lose.

Losing your baggage is a really bad thing. The airlines lose your baggage all the time. Mine was lost in Auckland once. And twice in London, once in Berlin and a few times in LA. Ever heard of Baggage Reclaim?

What would you do without your baggage? Who are you without it?

I don't think it's the baggage we need to lose - I suggest upgrading the luggage you carry it around in. And if anyone would like to contact me about designing a line of bags with your favorite therapy line embroidered in pink on the side, there will be a $200 consultation fee payable in cash, thank you very much.

Speaking of upgrading. Does anyone downgrade?

Here's a typical appeal at the Check In counter in Monte Carlo:
"Hello, I'm Oliver Benton-Boothby-Sykes and I'm afraid I had a bit of a bad night at the tables. Going to need a bit of dosh to get a cab when I get back to London. I'm booked into Business, of course. What sort of refund can I get for downgrading today? Cargo? Perhaps? Can I still get the complimentary Mimosa?

Yeah, who downgrades? The only people I know who actively downgraded were my teachers. When I was a tortured 13 year old I once proudly stood up in front of my class and said I wanted to be an archaeologist. Silence fell on the room. And the teacher, stifling a belly aching laugh said calmly 'Jill, perhaps if you aimed a little lower?"

And at a different school when they bring in 'career counsellors' at the tender age of 16, I waxed enthusiastic about going to University. The woman across the desk leafed silently through the wad of documentation about me, her glasses sliding slowly down her nose. Finally, she looked up and said:
"Maybe you should consider teacher training college instead". So, I wasn't bright enough to go to Uni, but I would be fine teaching others how to teach. And if that scares you - it bloody should.

No wonder I went into the arts.

Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Just because we all need a laugh now and then - this from the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

"The top administrator for Peachtree City’s government was arrested Friday night on alcohol-related charges while operating a golf cart.

Peachtree City police arrested city manager Bernard J. McMullen, 57, on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol, open container of alcohol and possessing alcohol in the park after a concert given by Motown legends The Temptations at the Frederick Brown Jr. Amphitheater.

A police incident report states McMullen was operating a golf cart and carrying a glass of wine at the time of his arrest about 11 p.m. The report states McMullen refused to take a state-administered breath test to determine his level of intoxication.

Mayor Harold Logsdon said McMullen will continue in his job with one exception.

“I will assume direct supervision of the police department as we continue through the budget process and until the case has been adjudicated" said the Mayor.

The burning question for me is - The Temptations???? Why????

And on the subject of the Atlanta Journal Constitution - they have one of the best editorial writers in America today - Cynthia Tucker.

And, am I the only person who finds Al Gore the most crushing bore?

Personal Is Political. No?

I'm becoming a little self conscious about the way I'm using the blog for revealing myself - in intimate detail I should add - which is something I never did with my photography.
If you are looking for clues to my interior self in my images you'll go without answers. Oh sure, it's pretty damn clear what my political agenda was or is, and there's no doubt about which political movements or philosophies I support or which have informed my life. But there isn't really an element of self-examination within them. I remain an observer, a documentarian. Even when I photographed, for a brief period, the lesbian sexual community of which I became a part after my arrival in the US in the late 80's, my purpose remained the same.

Susie Bright, in what I consider to be the best essay ever written about me and my work (and before you all laugh, there have been a few!) - writes:  'Jill never would have created lesbian erotica for sensual self-exploration - excuse me while I laugh. She's a firebrand, a political participant and innovator. Her interest in radical lesbian sex has to do with her most passionate beliefs: about her family, about freedom from oppression, about the revolutionary value of integrity and creativity, democracy and diversity'. Read the whole essay.

So, it is a surprise to me that my renewed interest in the written word and my acute desire to write - constantly at the moment - is manifesting itself in intense emotional self examination. And unlike some of you who take your dog-eared journals out of your underwear drawer and commit hand written revelations by the light of the nightstand lamp, I have chosen to use a public forum which is lit by a glaring oversized stadium spotlight.

And as I inch closer to the edge of whatever comfort zone you may have, the level of intimacy pushes some away and draws others in. The more I show myself to be a complete anti-hero and an emotional vagabond, the more the responses from people show that hitting nerves and pushing buttons can be achieved in extremely varied ways. Where my photography created a public persona of the 'radical feminist hero' - confrontational, bombastic, educational, I believe the writing I am doing has opened up a well of empathy - from me towards others and from others towards me.

I remember when I was working in my first job, as the floor sweeper at a lunchtime theatre in a pub in Richmond (on the southwestern fringe of London) Orange Tree Theatre, I was privileged to watch some incredible theatre - and the theatre that rocked my socks included plays by London playwright James Saunders and a one woman show 'Can Anyone Smell Gas?' performed by Linda Polan, written for her by prolific playwright Andrew Davies. It was a satire which reflected her own deeply funny self critical Jewish persona. Linda made me laugh - though I was meant to be concentrating on the sound cues - from the moment she arrived onstage, anxious and overwrought, and revealed intimate and hilarious details about her neuroses. And James Saunders who died in 2004, wrote some of the most caustic and soul-baring dialogue I have ever witnessed in theatre. His play 'After Liverpool' which I stage managed, was a series of scenes, using a variable number of actors, about the torments of love affairs and relationships.

Was it acceptable for them to write and perform achingly painful revelations of human quirks and frailties because they could always add the disclaimer that it was 'just a show, darling'. And is it somehow not acceptable for me, to tear aside the pretense of theatrical artifice and just say it like it is - for me. I have done it the other way - I wrote a play in 1974, at the young age of 21. It made me into a minor cult hero, and started me on my path of not being quite sure where I began and where the public perception ended.

I like the idea that I can't just say ' oh, sweetie, I'm just playing a part'. Vulnerability is not a terrible place to be, though it is uncomfortable. My blog may not be great politics, but I - who grew up in a movement whose catchphrase was 'the personal is political' - only wish I had started doing this a long time ago.