Jill Rants and Raves: boogers, mink handcuffs and a missionary in position

boogers, mink handcuffs and a missionary in position

I'm pretty horrified at the idea of a pet animal being cloned for someone who has $50,000 (that was the discounted rate for being first - the regular rip off price will be in the $150,000 range) to drop into the bucket of profiteers in the ethical hothouse of South Korea who saw the market in American consumers with more green paper than green sense. The fact that the pet in question was a pitbull called 'Booger', and that there are now 5 more identical boogers in a world that kills the majority of its' pitbulls is only mildly relevant. After all, this is America - land of plenty (of complete and utter nutters). I don't know whether to feel comforted by the fact that the owner of these five new mutts may be a complete booger called Joyce McKinney who once kidnapped a Mormon missionary, kept him as a sex slave, attaching him with mink lined handcuffs to a bed (in a cottage in Devon) while she ignored his pleas to be released.

McKinney, a one time US beauty queen who mortgaged her home to be re-united with the dog of her life, has a wee problem with obsessive behaviour. She said of the afore mentioned Mormon "I loved him so much that I would ski naked down Mt Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to." If Kirk the Mormon had known this salient fact, I imagine he might have asked for that, in the hope the she fall into a deep ice crevasse. There is even a CD which I was unable to buy online, much to my disappointment, called 'Love Songs for Kirk' by a much (un)heralded band The Joyce McKinney Experience.

So now there are more pitbulls needing homes, unless Joyce decides that one booger is never enough. But since they are the now famous McKinney Pits, there may be hundreds of desperate Americans filling out adoption applications as I write this.

I was going to write an outraged piece about America and executions, euthanasia of unwanted animals, and other assorted horrors. This has been way more fun.....and just as American.

My real question is - why, when she had missionary Kirk tied to the bed, didn't she just collect his semen in a jar, keep it is the fridge for a few years, and then clone Kirk for further use?

Posted at 08:57 AM | Permalink