Truth # 1 The price of saving these animals is watching them die.
I have watched so many die I have lost count. My folder at the vets office is so thick, with so many names, so many descriptions and today we culled the dead or adopted out. I had trouble remembering who was who. Not because I did not care - intensely, passionately about every single one. But 'stray baby kitten # 4, DSH, black and white' with its medical record telling a tale of heroic attempts at saving a lost cause is simply not a clear picture anymore. I may have found it in a dumpsite, covered in fleas, skin and bone with an eye infection and parasites. It was probably anemic and dehydrated and it died. As did so many others - even those who looked like they might survive. Pups with distemper, developing those dreadful neurological seizures, if they made it past the horrible intestinal distress, kittens with calici virus so that the insides of their mouths are covered in sores making eating an agonising chore, parvo pups spilling pink diarreah all over you, and the stench of their intestine shedding is not something you will ever forget.
The pup whose paw was crushed flat and then thrown from a car survived. I rushed her to the hospital and eventually she was adopted and I would see her in the park chasing balls, stumbling on this clumsy stub, exuberantly alive. The dog whose rear leg needed ACL surgery and whose owner just left him at the vet one day also survived, and Calvin has lived with me for the past 7 years. There have been hundreds of them - and many more have lived than have died. I cannot leave an animal to hurt. How can you do that?
But I had to euthanise a beautiful feral red dog, whom I named Canyon, who simply could not get along with other dogs or people and so had nowhere in the world to go. I had the two dogs killed that attacked and mauled my own little Roo. Even though I loved those two dogs passionately. I had rescued them from the streets of West Oakland. I have seen so many fail to thrive, turn their heads away from the tastiest life saving food, they have died in my arms, in the vets office, on a warm fleece in my home, I have picked them up on the side of the road and watched them die in my car. I have been bitten and scratched by them and run from them a time or two. Each one, each and every one, has deserved the care. And I would do it all over again. My own humanity demands nothing less.
Truth # 2 Once your eyes are open, you cannot close them again
Take a look. Do you see the dog lying by the side of the freeway? Is it still alive? Can you stop safely and pick it up? Do you see the puppy heading up the off ramp? Can you get there before it flies into oncoming traffic? Do you know how many animals die in your local animal shelter? Do you care that 'no kill' means nothing of the sort? Does it worry you that some shelters still sell animals to vivisection labs, that some shelters shoot their dogs, gas them? Does it get you in your gut that people walk into an animal shelter with a paper bag stuffed full of underage kittens? And dump it on the counter? And that under California law, a litter of kittens under 8 weeks old can legally be killed, right there and then? Does it make sense to you that Police departments run animal shelters? Or the Sherriff's department? That the budget for your local animal shelter can be 'stolen' from if the PD needs a new cruiser or better weaponry? Did you know that the euthanasia drug is called Fatal Plus, but better known as pink juice by animal control officers who administer the fatal shot? That many of them failed to get into the Police Academy and being an animal control officer was the best way to stay in uniform and be a wannabe cop? Did you know that most shelters kill animals because they have no space? That at least 25% of all animals in shelters are pure breeds? That Caltrans (the California state agency that oversees freeways) will pick up dead dogs and cats and dump them in the same bins with dead deer and raccoons and often animal shelter workers won't go through the dead bodies to determine whether an 'owned' animal might be in there? That your local 'no kill' facility does kill - you just have to read the fine print which says they won't kill 'adoptable animals'. Who defines an adoptable animal? That homeless people routinely lose their animals because if they are arrested, the animals are impounded and often killed. That animal abusers rarely stop there, yet few District Attorneys pursue animal abuse cases? That volunteers fear that if they speak up about what they see in shelters that they will be barred from volunteering? That one officer I spoke to laughed his head off as he described animal rescuers as 'humaniacs'.
Truth # 3 Yes. It is an addiction!
There's no doubt. It can be an addiction. There are more women than men involved in animal rescue. Many are white, middle aged, middle class women who had no children or are empty nesters. That animal rescue is a continuum and that the line between rescue and 'collector' is often uncomfortably close. That animal rescuers are sometimes filled with a virulent misanthropy, a self righteous indignant sense that they know best, and will take an animal from someone if they feel the individual is a 'bad' owner. That animal rescue can sometimes be the last to admit that their own system is riddled with disease, disenchantment, and deception, and that the deaths are an 'acceptable' part of the saving. As long as the ratio looks pretty good. And the major donors don't see the dogs dying in cages. How long can a dog acceptably be kept in a cage? How long can a cat be kept in a closed bathroom? How many cat boxes before your house is filled with the unmistakeable scent of cat piss which peels off the inside of your nasal passages? How many times can you justify a dog killing another dog in a Sanctuary situation?
And beyond all that and beside all that is the sense of complete happiness when a dog who was being led to the euthanasia room, somehow finds herself in the back seat of you car and spends her first night of safety curled up next to your bed, exhausted. And two weeks later walks happily off into the sunset with a new home, tail wagging, with people who feel a joy unlike any other as they lead their new family member to the second (or third) chance at life.
Truth # 4 A part of your soul remains unawakened until you love an animal.
I'm down here in southern california working at a remarkable non profit animal shelter. your words carry alot of weight and i can relate to how the fine line between hope and despair can wear us down. please keep up what you are doing.
saving just one pet won't change the world...but surely the world will change for that one pet. 'unknown'
Posted by: ellen | May 06, 2009 at 10:01 AM
Ellen - there are many great 'solutions' to the problems we face with pet overpopulation, budget restraints, and outdated philosphies. So, next blog is about some of the creative ways we can tip the balance to the positive! Thanks for writing.
Posted by: Jill | May 06, 2009 at 01:13 PM
My older kitty, adopted from the local humane society, is sitting beside me as I read your four truths.
Posted by: Deb in Minnesota | May 07, 2009 at 10:30 AM